Desperate Hikaris
by kimerakeepdr
Summary: Yugi thought his relationship with Yami was just getting started... but now it seems like it has ended... for good. How will he get through? Shounenai, stronger stuff later. PLEASE read and review, i need support for my 2nd fic ever.....!


This is my first fic posted here in about a year and a half so please be kind! Its an idea I've had for a while but never got round to writing up.

I will be focusing on the hikaris and yamis and their tangled relationships throughout this fic, starting with a bit about Yugi and Yami and then some about the other characters… trust me, it will all fit together! Expect romance, angst and as much yaoi and shounen-ai as possible… wahay!.. Plus I've already got a malikxmarik lemon in the pipeline (er.. well I hope I have..)

By the way, I am NOT attempting to do a YuGiOh version of Desperate Housewives, I just stole the name idea… this fic will be far LESS complicated (and less boring!) than said show!

And finally… REVIEW ME! I may decide to answer my reviews in following chapters… but that's only if I get any. And no flaming!

Disclaimer- I don't own YuGiOh. I also don't see the point in disclaimers. I mean... isn't it obvious that I don't own it if I am sitting here writing fanfiction about it?

But... I suppose I have to state the obvious then, don't I. And now, here is my fic. Enjoy!

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**Chapter one- the night after he left**

Yugi lay on his bed, the sheets pulled tightly over his head. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest, trying to block out the pain deep inside him that wouldn't go away. His tears stained the pillow and made endless tracks down his cheeks.

Yami was gone. Yami had left him. When he had woken on that morning- was it a few hours ago? Or a few days? - there had been no warm shape next to him, no sign that Yami had ever been there. He had called out for him, had searched for him tirelessly, in all the places he thought Yami could have gone. He had shouted and screamed for him, screamed until his voice cracked and broke.

But it was all for nothing. Yami had left him, gone without a trace.

The puzzle lay next to him, and he clutched at its familiar shape before entering it, wandering its dark corridors and calling soundlessly, calling for someone who wasn't there and would never be there again. Since he and Yami had gained separate bodies, the puzzle had become an empty vessel, one that served no purpose outside of an ornament. In the end Yugi returned to his body, fresh tears streaming freely down his cheeks.

The night before Yami left had been the first and only time that they had slept all night together. They had been separate people for only one day before it. _Only one day, and then he leaves me forever…_

It was so unlike him, that was what was really getting to Yugi. Yami would always tell Yugi where he was going when he was in control of their shared body. He had said it was only fair- the body belonged to Yugi, after all. And now Yami had his own body, so now he would just walk off in the middle of the night… it didn't make sense. Why would someone change like that? _All that time he spent inside my head, and I never knew his true nature, _Yugi thought bitterly.

He wasn't usually a pessimistic person by nature, but somehow this time he couldn't see any bright side whatsoever. He wasn't expecting Yami to return. He had gone for good.

His mind wandered back to the way he had felt just after he had found out they were going to become separate soon. It had been fantastic news for both of them. Yugi had begun imagining all the things they would soon be able to do together. Innocent things, like going to the cinema, going into town together, watching videos late at night- acting like a normal couple at last. And there were other things… things that made his skin flush and his breathing rate quicken when he thought about them…

He buried his face in the pillow, trying to get away from his own stupid naïve fantasies. He was glad of the fact that as far as he knew, Yami couldn't read his thoughts from the puzzle, and never had been able to. He would have hated for this new character, the one who would walk off and leave him in the middle of the night, to be prying through his mind and laughing at his dreams and fantasies.

Although, not so long ago, all he had wanted was to share everything with Yami and become closer to him than he ever had to anyone before... close enough even to share those dreams... and carry them out...

Groaning, he covered his head with the pillow, as if through blanking out the world around him he could blank out the memories that suddenly seemed to be resurfacing and replaying themselves in his head. The way he had acted on the night before Yami left had been so stupid... not to mention downright embarrassing, as Yami was obviously less than keen.

Why did he always have to get the wrong idea about other people? It had been like this ever since he was a little kid, and had often thought people were his friends when actually they were sending him up and laughing at him behind his back. And it seemed it was still happening now.

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Jou put his ear to Yugi's bedroom door to see if he could hear anything that would suggest that the boy was inside. When he had phoned there had been no answer, so he had come to the house, hoping to meet up with Yugi and go and hang out somewhere. There had been no answer at the door either, but it had been open, and Yugi was usually in at this time on a Saturday so Jou had entered anyway, hoping to find him.

He hovered outside Yugi's bedroom door, not wanting to disturb Yugi and Yami, if they were talking or something. Yugi confided a lot in his Yami, he knew. They were lucky to have each other in that respect, to the point that Jou found himself almost jealous of Yami, jealous of all the time he got to spend with Yugi and of how close they were, and of how much of a bond they seemed to have... He was constantly telling himself that this was _different_, but somehow, he couldn't help wondering if they were...

There was no point in standing around all day, he told himself, shaking his head to clear it of those thoughts and suspicions. He raised his hand and tentatively knocked on Yugi's door. When no answer came from inside he opened the door slightly and stuck his head around it. "Yugi? Are you in here?" His face immediately changed, registering sudden concern. "Um... Yugi?"

Yugi was crouched on his bed, his eyes swollen and sore looking, his hair damp and tangled around his tear stained face. He was surrounded by what looked like lumpy golden sand, spread around him on the bed, and he was half heartedly sifting his hand through it, looking as if he was about to cry again. His eyes glanced to the right to where Jou was standing, and he reached up and furiously rubbed his arm across his face, attempting to remove the fresh tears that stained his cheeks, but otherwise he didn't acknowledge his friend.

Jou looked again at the yellow pieces that were scattered on the bed, like tiny pieces of gold... Realisation suddenly came to him. He swallowed.

"Yugi? That's the puzzle… isn't it?"

Yugi didn't answer at first. Then, without looking at Jou, he nodded. He moved slightly on the bed, which dislodged some of the pieces, and dozens of them cascaded downwards onto the floor. "SHIT!" Yugi screamed.

Jou went over and helped him pick them up. They scanned the floor carefully for any stray pieces before beginning to return them to the small golden box which Yugi dug out from beneath his bed and rubbed the dust off. Jou remembered it from the day, almost a year ago now, when he had snatched it from Yugi and looked inside it. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn't know how to begin. Because something must be badly wrong. Yugi loved his millennium puzzle... when it took eight years to solve, you'd _have_ to love it in some way.

And... there was Yami. And that was what made Jou feel even sicker. Because Yugi was so close to his Yami that pretty much nothing had ever come between them in all the time they had known each other. And now... they would never be able to speak again. As far as Jou knew, if the puzzle was broken, the tie between Yugi and Yami was broken too... and where would that leave Yami? He had no idea that Yami now had a body of his own, and therefore was no longer chained to the puzzle, and all he could think about was what could possibly have happened between Yugi and his Yami that could have driven Yugi to shut Yami out of his life forever.

Yugi dropped the last of the thousand pieces into the box and closed the lid, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. Jou felt a pang of sadness as he thought of an eight year old Yugi, long before he had known him, discovering the puzzle and beginning work on it. He thought of himself, returning the last piece of the puzzle to Yugi's grandfather… and the moment that Yugi had revealed to his friends the darker side of his personality who lived in the puzzle, who later in turn revealed himself to be a separate person, the spirit of an ancient Egyptian pharaoh…

All Jou wanted to do was comfort Yugi, to make everything better. But that was going to take some doing… what the hell had Yami done to the boy?

He didn't know how to ask. But he didn't have to wait long before Yugi explained. Placing the box carefully down on the bed, he spoke hollowly, his head hanging so that his eyes wouldn't meet Jou's. "Yami's gone." He spoke matter of factly, as though trying to sound like he didn't care, but the tears that were again running down his face betrayed the true emotion he was feeling.

"What do you mean?" Jou asked, his voice hoarse so that he could barely make himself heard.

So Yugi told him everything. A little while ago, about three months, Isis had phoned from Egypt, with news on an ancient prophecy that had recently been discovered and translated from the wall of an Egyptian tomb. Apparently it held details about the items and their spirits and, most importantly, an exact date on which the spirits and owners of each item would become separate people.

"So that's what happened. On the morning of Valentines Day we became separate people, and that night we went to that party up at the school, but when I woke up the next morning he was gone," Yugi finished, sounding, if possible, even more miserable than before.

"Oh Yugi…" Jou said the first thing that came into his head. "What a bastard."

Yugi hung his head. "Jou, there's one thing you didn't know about me and Yami. We were in love..."

Jou's heart leapt and plummeted in exactly the same instant...

Yugi seemed to have nothing more to say so Jou went to sit next to him on the bed. Yugi suddenly wrapped his arms around his friend, clinging to him tightly and burying his face in his shoulder. "I miss him so much..."

Jou held him back, once again not knowing what to say. He knew he would miss Yami too, so they were the same in that respect. But Jou had never had a serious relationship in his life, never had someone he loved leave him forever in this way, so how could he understand how Yugi felt?

And, there was something else too... right now he was holding, in his arms, the one person in the world who he would ever consider starting a relationship with. His heart thumped uncomfortably hard against his chest and his cheeks flushed as he tried desperately to think of something else, anything else that wasn't to do with the small body that was currently pressed against his.

Yugi's heart was breaking, he knew. And he seemed completely certain his Yami wasn't ever going to return to him. All Jou wanted to do was make Yugi's pain less, and he was willing to do anything, anything in the world. He just wished he knew what…

He held onto Yugi, cradling him, one hand gently stroking the boy's back, then moving into his tangled hair, running his fingers through it until it was soft once more. His fingers entangled in a handful of black and red, running through the soft strands, and then he began to gently stroke the boy's scalp, fingertips moving in tiny circles. Jou's heart leaped painfully as Yugi finally relaxed fully against him, his breaths once more smooth and calm. "That feels nice..." the smaller boy breathed, his head against Jou's chest. Jou pulled slowly away and found himself staring straight into Yugi's deep violet eyes. His thoughts were deafened by his racing heartbeat...

He cleared his throat and looked down at the bed, unable to look at Yugi any more. Reaching up with questioning fingers he cupped Yugi's face awkwardly and forced himself to look at the boy. Those violet eyes were wide with surprise, those lips slightly parted, inviting and soft... "Errrm... Yugi… I..." Jou began an attempt to speak, then trailed off. Awkwardness threatened to overwhelm him... he banished it all by forgetting what he was about to say and moving down so that their lips gently brushed.

As he softly kissed the delicate lips he frantically tried to assess Yugi's bodily reaction. Was he angry with Jou at the gesture? Yugi's body was slightly tense with the shock, but Jou could detect no anger in the gentle caress of the boy's lips against his own, in the way that Yugi's arms desperately clung around his neck, holding him more tightly than before. Those beautiful violet eyes betrayed no anger... Yugi's eyes were closed as he held on to Jou, letting the blond kiss him, take away the pain for just a little while...

Jou desperately fought to stay in control, his heart hammering. He couldn't bear to let go for a while, to stop kissing Yugi after having felt this way for so long... but at last he made himself pull away, breathing hard as though he had just run for miles. He didn't speak, not knowing what to say. Suddenly he didn't want to look at Yugi.

He made himself look into his best friend's face. The other boy just looked back at him, before dropping his eyes to stare at the bed as though it fascinated him. There was an awkward silence, while Jou shuffled and Yugi just stared downwards. Then Jou finally spoke: "I'm really sorry Yugi… I…I shouldn't have done that…"

He began to realise what he had done- taken advantage of Yugi, when he was upset and lonely. Yugi didn't want him; he wanted Yami. The whole thing had been a mistake.

And still the silence continued. Jou's face was burning. He felt so stupid, more than he ever had in his life. "I'm sorry Yugi," he muttered, and made a move to get off the bed and leave, knowing that he had added a new awkwardness to their friendship through what he had done, but at the same time hoping that this wouldn't be the case...

A hand grabbed his, pulling him gently back onto the bed. Yugi pulled him closer, his face inches away from Jou's. "Don't feel bad," the boy whispered. "Kiss me again..."

"…What?" Jou whispered.

"Please…" Yugi murmured. Hesitantly, Jou took Yugi's lips in his once more, and the smaller boy shifted into a more comfortable position, which meant lying back against the pillows, Jou practically lying on top of him. Jou's eyes closed as he softly slipped his tongue between Yugi's lips for the first time… And Yugi closed his eyes along with him and just kissed him back…

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Sorry it was quite long. Stay with me, I'm beginning chapter 2! PLEASE review this.

And by the way, I'm not ditching the YugixYami pairing for a YugixJou one… that would be too easy! You will find out what happens!


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